dear jessie

Last year during the holidays, we found out that we were expecting a baby. We had lost our very first baby earlier that year, and I was worried. I laid awake every night, heavy hands covering my still flat stomach, imagining a sesame seed heart growing and beating inside my womb. I wasn’t happy. I was terrified. Every week brought us one step closer to the birth of our child, and it couldn’t go fast enough.

I know, know, know that every single baby is a miracle from the Lord. I’ve seen too many disappear right out of the defeated hands of their parents to believe anything else.

So when I hear her happy babbles and laugh at her bright smiles, and even when I comfort the angry tears of my little Clara Noelle, I remember those long nights of pregnancy when I waited and waited to hear her first cries.

As I pulled out our Christmas decorations this week, I found that little note in the picture above, a note that I wrote to myself. It’s a trip back in time. It’s a celebration.
 But mostly it’s a way to remember.

Song by Civil Parish, as found on this fantastic free playlist.

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