Let me tell you why I hate summer.

I hate summer time.
I know, I know, I can hear your gasps.

“How could anyone hate SUMMER? The sun shines all day! The nights are warm and balmy! You get to eat snow cones for dinner!”

My husband is probably the loudest gasper of all, because he can’t stand when people wax poetic about the cozy winter season, or their anticipation of cooler fall weather. He works outside, though, and I get it-  it would suck a big one to be climbing a power pole in sub-zero wind chill.
I get it.

But I still don’t like summer, for many many reasons.

1. The expectations. It’s like, you’re supposed to have the time of your life for three months straight. Who can possibly achieve this goal? You can only go swimming and eat corn on the cob for so many days, you know what I’m saying? It gets old. And yeah, the sun doesn’t set until 10 p.m. Does this mean I have to be out having FUN until 10 p.m.? What if I want to be in bed at 8? Well, too bad, because the sun is still shining and you should be at a BBQ, or in your swimsuit, or whatever. GO HAVE FUN, we’ll meet back here in September.

2. It’s really hot. I do not want to be outside when it is 100 degrees. I don’t. So instead I am in my house, probably wearing sweats, because that’s the another thing I don’t like about summer: all of the buildings are freezing cold with air conditioning. So you’re either outside sweating your nuts off, or you’re inside wearing a sweater. It’s so stupid. Sweat gives me bacne, people. Bacne in swimsuit season, for pete’s sake.

3. Babies can’t be outside very long. The only reason I would ever stay outside longer than 15 minutes would be to get a tan (I can get a great tan) but have you seen my daughter? She’s a baby ghost. I can’t have that girl in the sun more than 5 minutes without feeling guilty. So, in case you’re wondering, my legs haven’t been tan since I got back from summer camp.
It’s pretty white over here.

4. Everyone is super busy. On vacation. Working long hours to make up for vacations. Camping. Visiting family. Etc, etc, and I am also busy, and I don’t like being busy (this is a new thing. I used to love being busy. Now I just want to play with Smooch all day.) So I’m in summer school and directing camps and going on vacations and visiting family and blah blah blah, whatever happened to just watching t.v. every night? What happens at the end of Game of Thrones this season, anyways? We still haven’t finished it.

So, a small list of white middle class “problems” that probably earned me a good imaginary slapping from most of you, to which I say:
Bring it on. Maybe your slaps will add a little color to my cheeks, since I refuse to go outside.


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